Perhaps he ought to have meditated upon the hunger
of the children, and upon his own baseness; but he
thought only of Ona, he gave himself up again to the
luxury of grief. He shed no tears, being ashamed to
make a sound; he sat motionless and shuddering with his
anguish. He had never dreamed how much he loved Ona,
until now that she was gone; until now that he sat here,
knowing that on the morrow they would take her away,
and that he would never lay eyes upon her again -- never
all the days of his life. His old love, which had been
starved to death, beaten to death, awoke in him again;
the flood-gates of memory were lifted -- he saw all their
life together, saw her as he had seen her in Lithuania, the
first day at the fair, beautiful as the flowers, singing like
a bird. He saw her as he had married her, with all her ten~
derness, with her heart of wonder; the very words she had
spoken seemed to ring now in his ears, the tears she had
shed to be wet upon his cheek. The long, cruel battle with
misery and hunger had hardened and embittered him, but
it had not changed her -- she had been the same hungry
soul to the end, stretching out her arms to him, pleading
with him, begging him for love and tenderness. And she
had suffered -- so cruelly she had suffered, such agonies,
such infamies -- ah, God, the memory of them was not to
be borne. What a monster of wickedness, of heartlessness,
he had been! Every angry word that he had ever spoken
came back to him and cut him like a knife; every selfish
act that he had done -- with what torments he paid for
them now! And such devotion and awe as welled up in
his soul -- now that it could never be spoken, now that it
was too late, too late! His bosom was choking with it,
bursting with it; he crouched here in the darkness beside
her, stretching out his arms to her -- and she was gone
forever, she was dead! He could have screamed aloud
with the horror and despair of it; a sweat of agony beaded
his forehead, yet he dared not make a sound -- he scarcely
dared to breathe, because of his shame and loathing of
himself.

Late at night came Elzbieta, having gotten the money

[[230]]

p229 _ -chap- _ toc-1 _ p230w _ toc-2 _ +chap+ _ p231

v?